Am I enough?

I have continued to struggle with an internal loneliness.  We knew we’d miss our friends and family but the ache is deeper than I imagined it would be.

We often get asked, “What is the hardest part about living in Haiti?”  Our answer has nothing to do with heat, illness…which we’ve battled more frequently here than ever before, loss of conveniences, or daily life with mosquitos and the wearing of eau de Off.  It’s not the tarantulas that like to make their way into our bathroom or the hours it takes to drive 20 miles.  It isn’t even the poverty we face around every corner and the pain of witnessing the heart ache it causes.  These things are hard but not what is hardest.

It isn’t about what we’ve left behind but has everything to do with those we’ve left behind. Moving away results in change in relationships…it’s inevitable.  Every missionary I know feels this way and has probably written these words, yet on our own we must work through what that means for us.  We grieve the daily interaction of those we love, the births we miss, big events in the lives of people we love…we struggle with the guilt of not being around for family celebrations or being available to our aging parents.  It hurts to know we aren’t there to love our family and friends through difficult times.

In the book of Luke, Jesus clearly speaks to the cost involved in following Him.  As I’ve pondered the cost of following Jesus, the cost of being a Disciple…a Disciple maker, I’ve had to consider whether God can be enough when we choose to follow Him. There is so much loss involved.

God is asking me, “Am I enough?”  Is He?  Is He enough for me?  Do I trust Him to enough for my family and friends?  I don’t know about you but I wrestle with this…daily.

want Him to be enough…to be sufficient…to delight in His goodness.  I want my thirst to be quenched, my hunger satisfied so that I am useful to Him here…where He has placed us.

Because He is gracious as we grow in Him ever so slowly, He has begun to build community around us.  He knows our needs and meets us right where we’re at.  We truly have no doubts that we have people here we can call on in crisis, who notice when we’re missing and reach out to us when were ill.  They do not replace those back home for any of us, BUT He is, once again, enlarging our family.  We trust that He is doing the same for those we’ve left behind, bringing new people to minister, comfort and breathe words of life into one another.

He expects everything…He requires everything…not just from us but from those who have encouraged and allowed us to go.  God continues to steadily change the trajectory of our lives as well as those who’ve joined us in this journey…we will never been the same and for that I am grateful.  Along the way I hope to come to a place where I can fully say “my heart belongs to Him alone and He is enough”!

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8 Responses to Am I enough?

  1. I’m do impressed with your perseverance! Thank you for you honesty. I will definitely be praying for you guys! Hope we get to meet again soon!

    Sincerely,
    James Richardson

  2. Jeanne says:

    Amen, amen, and amen! Our hearts ache for you as well. God is our comfort and He is good. I also look forward to the day that “He is enough” Love you!

  3. Melissa says:

    Oh it can be so hard — but I am praying that God really show you His love and sufficiency, and that He give you creative means for having your needs for fellowship and community met, because those are legitimate needs and desires. May you experience how He blesses you for your faithfulness in seeking and serving Him!

  4. Mary says:

    Cried!!!! Surprise right Dave??!! Lol Love you all and I will be reading this at church Saturday. Lots of things in there for me to pray about in my own life! 😘😘😘

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  5. Renee Kappauff says:

    Sharron you enter my thoughts daily!! Praying for you and loving you from a distance 🙂

  6. Shanyn says:

    The tears flowed reading this. We love you all and miss you. You all are strong, amazing and we are thankful and blessed to have you in our lives. God is so awesome and He knows the hardships but He also knows how strong your faith and love is for Him. He guides us in the direction our lives need to be, He knows why we are here. This is your time to shine for our God Almighty. I look up to you all very much and because of you and all that you have shared with us, I know my calling. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me get back to church, I was at my rock bottom. Now I am on top and living for God and helping others do the same.

  7. Kerry says:

    Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I can’t begin to imagine all that you are going through and am humbled by your obedience to step out in His name. Not only are you changing lives of those in Haiti, you are also changing lives of those you left here in the states. Our vicarious journey with you is convicting and calls us to be more for Christ who is ALL for us! Praying for you all!

  8. Kerry says:

    Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I can’t begin to imagine all that you are going through and am humbled by your obedience to step out in His name. Not only are you changing lives of those in Haiti, you are also changing lives of those you left here in the states. Our vicarious journey with you is convicting and calls us to be more for Christ who is ALL for us! Praying for you all!

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